the OBITUARIES

Romero Dussel & Annette Snolin, Both Aged 23, TRAGICALLY passed away last Sunday night

Romero, Lead Quarterback for the Sunshine Bears at Lowell Free Academy, son of Frederick and Marie Dussel of Suburbia, and Engineering Scholar, will be greatly missed. There will be a college scholarship in honor of Romero’s Varsity Goody Two Shoes, The Dussel Engineering and Athletic Scholarship.

Annie of Rosemont High in Subtle Valley, child of Dad’s a Workaholic and Mom’s a Ditz was cherished by leering strangers and will be missed whenever she’s remembered. There will be no scholarship put into place, and no burial due to the extensive costs, and the family asks not to be bothered by condolences.

The tragic fate for Romero & Annette, to have chanced upon each other over the hedge, just beyond the picket fence only to have lived an unlived life. Secret nightly porch swing meetings left this true love couple victim of the understanding of last second irony, to be ruthlessly slaughtered by the son of a bitch boards as the collapsing of the firmament around them.

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